The Immigration of Kawhi Leonard: A cause for concern?
Perhaps the hottest story in all of sports* is the minute-by-minute updates of the free agency of Kawhi Leonard. The twenty-eight-year-old California native set the world ablaze after his stellar performance in the 2019 NBA Finals, helping bring a championship back to Canada for the first time since *checks notes* 1993. Is that possible? That entire fucking country has gone over twenty-five years without winning a professional sports championship**? Jesus Christ. No wonder the widely diverse people of Toronto are using one of their ninety paid vacation days to line the remarkably clean city streets in anticipation of Leonard’s likely civil meeting with the Raptors’ front office.
So, with all of the hoop-la surrounding Leonard staying in Toronto, it bears to question: if Leonard spurns Canada for Los Angeles, should we be concerned? He’s an immigrant, right? Are we just going to welcome him with open arms? I was told*** that immigrants are bringing with them drugs, disease, and sexual abuse. They have no money, no intention of working, and just want to mooch off of us hard working Americans. If this is the case, and it must be because this is the information I was given****, we need to block this immigration. We can’t have this roundballer turning our kids into a bunch of eightballers. We can’t have this lazy, syrup loving loser near our pastel clad god-fearing children. Let him keep his healthcare and his well-spoken prime minister. That’s nothing compared to our…
*checks notes* *checks again* *cross-talk*
That’s nothing compared to our guns. Good luck being happy without a second amendment.
Anyway, I got off track there… the point is, Leonard should be BLOCKED from becoming a Laker. Adam Silver and company should step up and realize this is a national emergency. If Leonard becomes a Laker, the flood-gates have opened. Next thing you know we will have folks with French accents frolicking through the streets of New Orleans for a yearly celebration. I’ll be damned if that happens on my watch. Who’s with me?!?!?!?
*Of note, the United States Women’s National Soccer Team is poised to win yet another World Cup, in dominating fashion I might add. However, because quite a few of the players are intellectual, have fancy hair, and are gay… and because the entire team is made up of women, I cannot make them my #1 hottest story, albeit it’s deserved spot at the top. They deserve the top spot and are absolutely qualified. In fact, they are over qualified. There is not a single metric where they are not the number one choice. However, I read somewhere that Kawhi Leonard might be a distant nephew of mine, which ultimately gives him the top spot. Themz the rules.
**After pushing up my glasses I’ve found a few instances where a professional soccer team from Canada has won a championship during this so called ‘drought’ of 25+ years. However, I never really played soccer growing up, so considering soccer a ‘popular’ sport makes my tum- tum feel weird. In the safety of my own home, away from friends, under a pseudonym online, I fully endorse that soccer is very difficult, is absolutely a professional sport, but again, in public… tum-tum feel icky.
***saw on Twitter from Cloyd Rivers
****saw on Facebook from my Aunt Kathy
All Chalk 